|
Discokitty95
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Susan
Location: Perkacity, Pennsylvania, United States
Birthday: 6/28/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: photo, theater, music, God, that about covers it
Expertise: photo, stage managing, dibble and dabble in computers, photoshop, etc. that, and sucking at life.
Occupation: Customer service/support
Industry: Retail
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Discokitty95
AIM:  allthekngshorses
Yahoo:  allthekingshorsesandallhismen
MSN: allthekngshorses@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/7/2004
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| What is the purpose?
I pondered this question as I strolled into work today. As the rain began to fall on an abnormally warm day, I just began to wonder, in the grand scheme of things, what's the point? Why waste so much time, energy and overall stress on working at school, a job, getting money, etc, when in the end, none of it matters? I am going to die one day. I've accepted that fact and almost, in a way, welcome it. When I die, I'll go to heaven and live for eternity - so why work my butt off earning money that will not follow me into the real life I've been destined to lead?
These are the things I think about on a daily basis. I know; I'm kind of screwed up.
It's just that I don't understand the idea God's got behind me working so hard at school and spending all of my energies towards working so as to be able to pay off said school bills only to have it one day, ultimately, amount to nothing? I know this question will never be answered. I'll probably wonder about it endlessly until the day my heart decides to stop pumping blood into my brain. It's one of the things I can probably never, truly, grasp.
As a human being, I suppose we're just too stupid to understand our own purpose. Our own meaning behind our actions. Finding solace in the fact that God does is enough I guess. I'm just too stupid to admit that it is enough that He's got a better idea what's going on than I do.
As I've said in past entries, I really have come to enjoy TV shows like Bones, Heroes, and Fringe. As I watch these shows, I just have to wonder, do these people, that I sit down to watch on TV every week, ever grapple with the same questions I do? Do they ever contemplate their soul and what it means? Do they ever wonder what'll happen when they die?
I like to think that, eventually, the thought pops into people's heads where they think, "I'm gonna die one day. I wonder what'll happen". But the reality, I suppose, is that most people just don't care. They're content with the here and now and don't want to think too far ahead.
I just wonder how they survive like that.
Now that I reread this entry, I realize I should have put this on my blog rather than my xanga. Silly me.
"I have to poke you a couple of times first. And then when you didn't wake up, that's when I yelled Billy."
"I'll just say, 'Hi, my name's Susan, and I'm a robot'."
"Here's your new name tag." [holds up a piece of paper that says "Big Mouth]
"Hey! Jack of all trades, master of none!"
"Get happy."
"Football players should not have their heads chopped off and continue to play."
"How hard is it to write about yourself?"
"Oh, kajoodles!"
"So, apparently, three things all sound the same; trains, tornadoes, and a raging inferno."
"So what, it's the Father, the Son, and the Niece?"
"Who knows, maybe they [The Trinity] all have special names for one another. Maybe Jesus' special name is...Harry."
"Hey, God loves tone def people!"
"There's no brownie in this brownie."
"And then there's a song in between. It's like a good musical."
"A giant Jesus will come and stomp on people."
"It's only a lie if people believe what you say is the truth."
"Man, I wish I had footnotes."
"I just like how it says, 'the terrible wrath of God, who, by the way, lives forever and ever'."
"You'll love me dangit."
"I walk around and say, 'Hey Mac Daddy'! And no one knows what I'm talking about."
"It's the Devil's Bible?"
"It's the evil Bible."
"What, does it go 'muahaha' when you open it?"
"Everyone knows the song of Moses. In Heaven you kind of just know."
"Yeah, the worship leaders get their guitars and lead us in singing."
"It's kind of like in movies when everyone starts singing along - because they all know the words - and when the song ends everyone goes back to like, sweeping."
"It's the second book."
"That's the beginning."
"No, the beginning is Genesis. Hence the name."
"That's what causes people to commit suicide."
"Migranes?"
"Why do you think no one's allowed in the temple?"
"'Cause it's filled with smoke?"
| | |
| I don't really know why I continue to write anything on this. I guess it's more of to keep track of myself than anything. And for random amusement for later down the road. Yes, that's right. Later down the road when I forget the password onto Xanga and what not. Intelligence, I know.
Life has been rather repetitive. I wake up, go to school for a couple of hours, go to work for eight hours, go home to work on school work for a couple more hours, and then eventually, fall asleep. It's a vicious cycle really. I get next to nothing accomplished that I actually want to do. Isn't that what school is all about? Eventually being granted the opportunity to do what you actually enjoy? Maybe I've just been suckered into thinking that's the case. Thanks alot Pennridge.
Anyway, I work a lot. But it's break for about a month, so that's kind of a plus. I don't have to worry about running all over creation for a little while. The family went to Florida right after Christmas up until the 30th. It was fun, as it always is. I also got to pet a dolphin! That was cool. And touch a sting ray - those things are weird. But overall, the trip was entertaining and was a nice break from everything. And I was out of the state, so it wasn't like I could be called into work - praise God for that.
The only downside to that was coming back. The past three days at work have been pure torture. I had jokingly been saying that I was hoping the store would fall apart during my week long absence, but I didn't actually mean for it to happen. Planograms didn't get done, or endcaps or shippers. The number was in the toilet. It was bad. Lock up was a mess, tech work was overdue by days. And everyone kept coming up and asking me what I knew about the different things. I kept having to remind them that I had been gone for a while, so I couldn't be positive on what had or had not been accomplished. So today was really tiring and irritating. I had to set a couple of planograms and sell a couple thousand dollars just to make the store look somewhat intelligent.
It's not worth it; all the work I do. I don't really get offered raises, I always have to ask for them after months of working my butt off. And then I get side swiped while my lead, who is a lazy bum, get's all the credit. But whatever. Hopefully in a couple of years I'll be done school and can actually climb the ladder to a manager or something to help get rid of bills from school.
While working on homework, to help keep myself awake, I've needed to watch some shows on my computer. I've watched all three and a half seasons of Bones, (Which is amazing), and the past two and a half seasons of Heroes, which is equally awesome. They've both been around, slightly talked about, but not in the spot light, and should be. They're great shows, and best of all, they're smart shows. Which makes me happy. Far too often people dumb down shows before they give the audience the benifit of the doubt. Hence reality TV and other stupid tv out there.
Oh, and I wrote the first draft of my book. Which is nothing more than a skeleton to what it can/will be. I can't wait to see where this goes.
"She makes me want to shove thumb tacks into her eyes."
"Amy's been hanging around Janyne too long."
"Don't have self esteem issues; love yourself."
"If a dingo ate your baby, press three."
"Mousin; that's the plural for moose."
"Get rid of these. Here, take two. Give one to your mom for Christmas."
"Haha, we're in your way!"
"'Cause I had no idea Sea World was coming up. I only live in Florida."
"Paul! They have an insurance claim!"
"Oh no! Here comes the wife beater!"
"I had a dream that Dad bought me Shamu."
"Why does it look like Germany's on fire?"
"Dad, you're such a creeper!"
"What happened to your face?"
[Pointing to his scratched cheek] "This? Baby."
"No! I'm telling you, I had a box cutter just like that."
"Really? You mean black and yello with a spring attached? That's funny, because [I pull out my box cutter that looks exactly the same as every other store box cutter] I have one too!"
"I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?"
"Bill's on his lunch and five minutes late. He probably fell asleep in his car. I'll just go wake him up."
| | |
| It went from spring/summer weather to random fall weather. I'm not adjusting as well as I normally do to the cold; which is unusual. Normally I'm fine walking around in a long sleeved shirt in 50 degree weather, but not now. I'm cold as I sit at my computer typing away.
I am even more drastically confused than the last entry I wrote, which was over a month ago. As Halloween nears, it won't be long before we stroll into Thanksgiving and then Christmas. I'm almost nervous about Christmas this year solely due to the fact that, for once, I feel like I don't have the income to buy my family whatever I think they want/need. It's rather frustrating really. I'm not used to this road block, but with having purchased two new computers in the past year, I guess that's where most of my money has gone.
Most of my days are spent at school or work, and if not there, than sitting alone at home watching some form of movie I find for free on Demand or Encore. I'm bouncing around from one TV show to another. I fell in love with Farscape and watched all four seasons of that including the 4 hour long miniseries, and now I'm onto Scrubs, which is highly entertaining. I find a lot of similarities between my friends and family to the characters. Those are the good shows. I like it, it makes me laugh. I think Cox is my favorite, for some reason. I know most people that watch the show side with JD, but I'm really drawn to the character of Dr. Cox.
Hrm, meanwhile, I bake a lot. I don't think there's a week that goes by that there isn't cake or brownies in the house that I made because I got bored and wanted chocolate. I guess that's the way to go; make food rather than buy it.
Oh, and hours are being cut; drastically. So I get to work a mere 26 hours a week at the store I've bent over backwards for for the past year and a quarter. It's rather infuriating that I'm being side stepped solely because of my availibility. I know that with school and all I probably shouldn't be working as much as I do, but at the same time, with school bills and car insurance and what not, I can't live off of that measly salary and still be expected to get all I normally do done. They don't pay me enough to deal with all the crap I get handed. I'm cross trained in every department, I will willingly and gladly work in any department, but they seem to enjoy throwing me aside for someone with a 'better availability', even though the other person is a moron that can't do anything on their own without someone holding their hand. It's so frustrating.
Otherwise, I guess things are going okay. I say 'I guess', because to anyone else they could say I'm doing fine, but to me I'm not. And I know I'm not. I guess I'll get better as time moves on.
| | |
| My head hurts.
I've confused myself far too many times, you'd think I'd be good at it by now. But no, I still get confused and frustrated. He's just a friend right?
Technically, this is something I should only be putting in my journal. And I think I'm just going to leave it as it is. I'm confused because I have a...pull...towards a guy I know that I should most definitely not be having anything for other than friendly connections. And this frustrates me greatly. For a great multitude of reasons, most of which I feel ungodly embarrassed to be discussing to anyone for any reason.
In other news in the life of Susan Markloff; commonly known as "Gibberish" (it's a working title), I work at Staples or at school every day of every week. It's draining. I'm sick of school. I hate getting up and going to sit in classes I really have no will to be sitting in. I'm there so that I can transfer somewhere where I may be able to do what I actually want to do. It's a vicious cycle I loathe. Do this so you can do that, even if 'this' is something you're absolutely terrible at, it's the only way to get to 'that'.
Gah.
I detest that I have to work with morons that are too arrogant and lazy to do something for themselves. There I was, in the back office with my manager discussing my hours for the next week, and this idiot calls me over the loud speaker to ask me to make the closing announcement. I wish I had the ability to make my hand manifest through the phone so I could strangle him. I walked up front and I said, "Are you that inept that you are completely unable to make a simple announcement to our customers that we're closing? Boy, you are insufferable."
To that, the moron said, "You just made that word up."
I nearly punched him for that. Yes, I sit around and make up words that would make sense only to me; because "insufferable" sounds so untranslateable. IT MEANS YOU'RE BEYOND HELP. How's that for a translation?
That's just one moment in my day at work that makes me wish I was a world class hit man. It would probably cut down on the stupidity of the planet. In some fashion.
In closing, I have gone back to collecting quotes. I feel like my xanga entries have been lacking sufficiently without them. It makes me feel somewhat happy to read those quotes so then I can, for a moment, remember happiness.
Chapter eight and counting. Who will bet on me?
"She's upset with Staples, so she gets angry at the store that had nothing to do with it."
"Well, of course Sebastian would be obsessed with boobs. He is Ryan's son."
"Finally! My OCD is coming in handy!"
"I think I've cheated efficiently enough."
"That punishment seems backwards. You were caught outside after hours, so for detention, we're making you go outside after hours."
"Snoopy was my thing when I was little." - Shawna
"Then how could you rip that up??" - Me
"Because she's evil." - Bill
"You know the drill."
"Actually, it's a screwdriver."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"No."
"Aww, please?"
"What'll you do for me?"
"I dunno. What do you want me to do for you?"
"Ooh, don't ask me that."
| | |
| It's been a while. In the news of me there isn't much going on really. I spend my time at Staples or at Bucks taking classes that I have no will to really be participating in. Any other time at home is spent either doing homework, messing around with my new computer (yes, I got another one. The laptop is nice but not necessarily what I enjoy using. I much prefer desktops. And my desktop died. So I got a new one). Yeah, I invested in a Dell XPS One. It's a rather lovely machine really. I'm quite happy with the purchase.
And when I'm not doing either of those I'm either writing or watching Farscape - which has become my new indulgence. Stargate's been a great show and I do enjoy watching one of the 225 episodes and one of the three movies they have to occupy my time, but I wanted to watch something new. And I'm at work when Eureka's on, so I downloaded Farscape onto my computer. Thank God for my external hard drive. I'd be lost without it. It's got my whole life on it; well, for the most part.
Regarding the writing I'm doing, (and, in the comfor that no one reads anything I write anymore), I'm trying like mad to get past chapter six. I know where the story will go. I know where I want it to end. I know how it begins. I just don't know how to get it there. So I'm struggling through that right now. Otherwise, I just sit around in classes and pretend like I'm paying attention to what's going on around me in the hopes that no one notices that I don't actually care.
And I'm lonely. The one person I could talk to left Staples a month ago and since then I've felt rather detatched from the lifestyle I had so grown accustomed to in high school where there was always someone to listen to. It's not even that I miss hanging with people, I miss hearing people talk at me. Venting and ranting and raving. I miss that. Sad isn't it?
I'm now a tech at Staples - finally. Cashering was too boring. It kind of drove me mad. Granted, now that they have like, eight cashiers, I'm a tech and now I'm starving for another tech. Because there are only four flipping people in my department! What the crap? As a cashier it was just me and Colletta as official "front end associates" and I leave and suddenly we've got people coming out the walls! It's just not fair I tell you...
I'm reverting to my nocturnal ways. Which, in case you haven't noticed, isn't necessarily good. I want to be up till two and sleep till ten. Which is bad. Lord knows that's impossible on most days. I guess having a nine o'clock class was a mistake. I should have just had it scheduled out differently...oh well. I guess after the semester's over it wont' matter that much. Or so I hope.
I'm trying to figure out where I'm going in life. I don't really know as of late. So the next couple of months should be interesting at best. It's like I'm having a mid-life crisis at the age of twenty.
I keep forgetting that I'm twenty. Gah. I'm old. Or young. Depending on the crowd.
| | |
|
